I don't think you are so unusual, although I can fully understand why it might be confusing. You sound as though you are coping with it remarkably well.
Look, there are lots of people whose gender isn't defined by the sexual characteristics of their bodies. More complex still, there are lots of people who are primarily heterosexual but who prefer their sexual activity to treat them, in part at least, as though they were of the other sex. Hum, that sounds complicated, but actually it's not - many people don't even think twice about why, for example, some (many?) men prefer the woman to take charge and be on top, and once you get into the various artificial appendages and sex toys etc etc - I think, from what you wrote, you may know exactly where I am coming from on this one and may well have imagined it. I just want to assure you that it's not abnormal even if it's not quite usual.
Very few people have absolutes of male or female characteristics, likes and dislikes. Yours sound to be more mixed than most, and perhaps more varied than most. It may be that you are lucky to be able to feel like that and to experience desires that most of us would have trouble imagining.
I think you ought to focus on two thoughts:
First, it may not matter what physical sex your eventual partner is. What does matter, is finding someone you can love and someone that loves you, whatever the sexuality.
Second, and a little more complex, if, as I suspect, your sexual desires are fairly strong and that sex is going to be an important part of any relationship, try to clarify in your mind what exactly it is you want to DO. Once that becomes clearer, then it all becomes much easier and all you have to do is to find a loving partner with matching desires to do it with. And, quite definitely, he or she is out there somewhere.
Most important of all, don't try to be something that you are not and don't try to change what you feel. Clarify your thoughts, don't deny them (which it certainly doesn't sound as though you're doing). Go with it and make the most of it. Physical relationships are wonderful once you find the right person. Go find that person.
Look, there are lots of people whose gender isn't defined by the sexual characteristics of their bodies. More complex still, there are lots of people who are primarily heterosexual but who prefer their sexual activity to treat them, in part at least, as though they were of the other sex. Hum, that sounds complicated, but actually it's not - many people don't even think twice about why, for example, some (many?) men prefer the woman to take charge and be on top, and once you get into the various artificial appendages and sex toys etc etc - I think, from what you wrote, you may know exactly where I am coming from on this one and may well have imagined it. I just want to assure you that it's not abnormal even if it's not quite usual.
Very few people have absolutes of male or female characteristics, likes and dislikes. Yours sound to be more mixed than most, and perhaps more varied than most. It may be that you are lucky to be able to feel like that and to experience desires that most of us would have trouble imagining.
I think you ought to focus on two thoughts:
First, it may not matter what physical sex your eventual partner is. What does matter, is finding someone you can love and someone that loves you, whatever the sexuality.
Second, and a little more complex, if, as I suspect, your sexual desires are fairly strong and that sex is going to be an important part of any relationship, try to clarify in your mind what exactly it is you want to DO. Once that becomes clearer, then it all becomes much easier and all you have to do is to find a loving partner with matching desires to do it with. And, quite definitely, he or she is out there somewhere.
Most important of all, don't try to be something that you are not and don't try to change what you feel. Clarify your thoughts, don't deny them (which it certainly doesn't sound as though you're doing). Go with it and make the most of it. Physical relationships are wonderful once you find the right person. Go find that person.
Good luck.
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